The City Veins

Greetings all. This will be my final post as I have decided, after a long internal and external debate, to bow out and exit (somewhat) gracefully from The City Veins. I struggled with this decision more than Aaron, Charles, and Spencer know or realize and it was not easy. As a founding member and involved songwriter, I take great pride in the accomplishments of the band thus far and from the beginning I thought of this group and its songs as my baby.

I am glad the rest of the band is pushing forward and I wouldn’t be so self-centered as to think they couldn’t go on without me. Knowing that they can still write great songs and perform with brilliant intensity without me makes the decision a little easier to swallow.

Yes, there have been a good share of squabbles and fighting amongst the members over everything from font size on posters to songwriting and musical direction. Yes, it is difficult to work with three other hard-nosed opinionated musicians. Aaron and Charles and Spencer care deeply about the band and its success and through all of the fights and disagreements, the bottom line was that each member was only doing what they thought was best for the band. Fighting about something generally means there is passion behind the cause.

In the end, the decision was simple. Aaron brought up a good point when he noticed I was treating the band as more of an obligation than as something enjoyable. Am I having fun? If not, what’s the point. Some people would view this as a wake-up call to get their ass in gear and remember why I wanted to form a band in the first place. Instead, I came to the hard conclusion that I really wasn’t having fun anymore. I can’t explain it very well either. But when my interest waned, it was obvious to everyone else. I no longer felt like I could contribute positively to the group as a whole and my lackluster attitude was only bringing everyone else down. Losing motivation is a strange thing. In the end, the other guys wanted it more than I did. I respect them for this and often wonder how their love for being in a band stays alive through the ups and downs and general frustration.

I completely enjoy writing and recording music, but the rest of what goes along with being in a band just took its toll on me mentally, emotionally, and creatively. The road trips were no longer fun, the practices were a pain, administrative work was a hassle, and paying money to play in NYC became depressing. Strained friendships, petty arguments, and ego-checks gave way to the realization that it wasn’t really worth it to me. Why do something if it’s not 100%?

Although I am no longer going to be in the band, I still live with Aaron and Spencer, and they still practice at our house. It’s a little weird to hear them playing in the basement while I’m upstairs, but the fact that I can do that and not want to rush downstairs to join them makes me realize that I am making the right decision for the right reasons. I hope to move back to Arizona in the near future as well, so part of me is also getting this out of the way sooner rather than in the inevitable future.

I appreciate that the guys understand that some people just want to do other things with their lives. I can’t explain why I want to have my weekends free or my evenings free. I don’t really do much, so it’s not like I’m incredibly busy. I just don’t think it’s fair to the band for me to half-ass it anymore. They were right to question my involvement and try to get me motivated again. They didn’t force me out or even ask me to leave. They actually refused to kick me out even when I hadn’t decided for three weeks whether or not I wanted to stay in the band. This is 100% my decision and I’m confident with my reasons.

I am also glad the my exit did not come after a big fight and that it was reached on amicable terms. There is no ill-will coming from me and I think the other guys are just happy to finally have an answer after I pondered this decision for a few weeks while keeping them in limbo about my future with the band. I’m actually looking forward to going to their next show so I can see what they sound like from the audience. It will be a little weird and I’m sure I will regret the decision sometimes and wish my heart and mind was devoted as theirs. However, I also feel a sense of relief that a decision has been made and both parties can move on in whatever direction they choose.

I have no idea if they will find a replacement guitarist, I think they sound pretty solid as a three-piece. It’s up to them. Thanks to everyone who came to shows, ordered CDs, said something nice or constructive, and supported me and the band. It was fun while it lasted and I will always remember the both the good and bad. The experiences playing in a band are indescribable and those who haven’t done it cannot possibly understand it. This is why it is hard to explain to non-members why the decision was so difficult. I thought being in a band was what I really wanted but it turned out to not be for me.

So, good luck, Veins. And don’t worry, I won’t be suing you for copyrights for the band name or songs. I do; however, expect my royalties in some form when Modern Age finally hits it big. And can you try to keep the noise down after 8:30 or so? I go to bed pretty early these days.